


Fuck off will you?

by Popeivil



Category: Inglourious Basterds (2009)
Genre: 1944, 1945, Aldo Raine and Hans Landa, Aldo x Hans, Aldo/Hans, America, American Lieutenant, Blood, Cussing, English, Fighting, Fluff, France (Country), German, German Colonel, Germany, Hans/Aldo - Freeform, Landa/Raine, M/M, Military, Raine/Landa, Slight fluff, Soldiers, Swearing, USA, United States of America, Very very slight gore, WW2, War, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:08:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28022178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Popeivil/pseuds/Popeivil
Summary: After finally reaching victory from ending the war, Hans cannot wait until he’s finally greeted with open arms by the Americans, getting all the attention he deserves.. of course.Aldo despised the fact that Hans Landa, a former Nazi, got to butter himself up on a nice island with his dream house and all of the praise he’ll ever get. He knew fully well that Hans did NOT deserve this new treatment he’s getting WHATSOEVER. Hans only made the plan end in HIS favour, what a selfish fucker. He'd want to make sure Hans would at least suffer internally in receiving the Nazi symbol carved on his forehead. Marking him forever with the symbol that everyone despised. It sounded like an amazing plan at that time.Of course, not all good plans follow through... entirely. Hans, of course, did end up with the mark on his forehead... although something else occurred afterwards which greatly angered Aldo..... forever irritate him is more like it.
Relationships: Hans Landa/Aldo Raine
Comments: 6
Kudos: 22





	1. I like different

**Author's Note:**

> I edited the first chapter! It’s completely done and (partially) edited! Hopefully you like it better with way more detail and way more fun! Haha.. let me know what you think. 
> 
> Another thing to mention, I have noticed that many people still love and enjoy being in the “Inglorious Bastards” fandom. If that’s the case then I’ll definitely write more in the near future! This is very exciting for me as well! I really thought people didn’t like the fandom or didn’t know about the movie at all.. anyways I just find it very interesting! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the FRIST REAL chapter!!

Lieutenant Aldo kept a small smirk to his chapped lips, watching the Nazi in front of him. The man was screaming at the top of his lungs, obviously from the Lieutenant had done. The high pitched sound was music to his ears, one that he awaited a long time from the Colonel ever since he laid eyes on him. He flicked the blood off of his knife, examining the work he had done before him, it was truly the work of a champion or maybe of a god. The Swastika definitely added more “spice” to the German’s appearance, he thought. The lieutenant did very much think of himself as some sort of saviour, a saviour to his own sorrowful doubts that he once had. Aldo never liked the idea of being apart of the rather adventurous mission that he had to take care of. It just so happens that he fit the description that they were looking for. Hans Landa, “the jew hunter”, at his foot begging for mercy, what more could he ask for? All thoughts of not wanting to participate in this operation had completely disappeared within the time being. 

Aldo stepped back from his work of art and gently glided the edge of the knife along his sleeve, wiping off the remaining blood that stained the blade. The blood had belonged to his fellow enemy in front of him, a damn Nazi psychopath, which’s blood stained his already dirty hands as well as his precious tailored tuxedo. The lieutenant enjoyed this form of revenge, it made him feel prideful from within even though he knew deep down it was cruel and unsettling. 

“Sir. I’ll patch him up then.... we can head back.” 

A calm and quiet voice interrupted Aldo’s small moment of triumph, that of course, he had truly enjoyed every single minute of. He nodded to the Private, even though he had a strong urge to kill the damn Nazi himself regardless of the given orders. In his opinion he would have went through with the plan then backstab the Nazi before he could spread any further damage to the already dying earth. 

“Bitte!” The Nazi officer chocked out, he winced at the harsh tug of the Jewish American soldier, he hadn’t liked this turn of events at all, his plans where completely ruined. Hans had been taken aggressively into the truck with no mercy whatsoever; the bandages barely helped the pain that rushed through his aching head. It was more like pounding that disturbed his head obnoxiously. What pity. 

Aldo reached for the passenger side door of the truck and tugged it open, making his way inside. He closed the door behind him causing a rather large thump in the truck, he never liked German vehicles and that much was obvious. “The Apache” put a hand through his messy hair, looking at himself in the rear view mirror of the truck, he chuckled at his own reflection since he admired himself greatly.... or perhaps, he admired the view from behind him. He’d never admit it but he liked the way Hans looked, not in the state his was in but rather when he looked half descent. He could see Hans bent over in a hunch, mumbling some german through his quiet sobs of desperation.

“Stop cryin’ back there. You’re making me cringe.” Aldo squinted his eyes, watching hans from the mirror, he really didn’t like the fact that once the German would be brought to their base he’d be praised on days end. 

Hans raised his gaze from the floor of the truck to meet with Aldo’s eyes. His eyes were currently red and puffy from the burning tears that previously flooded his eyes. He hadn’t known what to say in that moment which worried him very much, he always had something to say, but this time he didn’t. The Colonel dropped his gaze and continued to sulk about his current condition, he thought he’d be praised and greeted with honesty and not with betrayal. Thinking about Hermann being shot right beside him made the Colonel feel emotions he had never really felt before. That was fear.

“That’s right. Kraut.” Aldo would never let Hans forget about who he was or what he had done, the lieutenant would always remind him for what he had done to the Jewish people as well as other innocent lives. Something that terrible should definitely not be rewarded. 

—————————————————————-

After about an hour of waiting in the back of the truck, Hans started to grow paranoid and uneasy, what if the Americans agreed to this deal but then wanted to backstab him as soon as he got there? He sighed breathlessly waiting for someone to get him out of this truck, surely Aldo and the little man didn’t want to, then who would? Hans grew more tired as the minutes went on, it was growing dark and quiet even though he was safely secured at the back of the German truck. Suddenly he didn’t feel safe anymore. 

A gentle knock would be heard at the rear of the truck and soon the large door would be opened for Hans to make his way out. Aldo was seen talking with one of his higher ranking officers, discussing certain things amongst each other. Lieutenant Raine kept a stern yet obvious smirk on his face, he knew exactly what he what he did and he was ever so proud of it. Although, to his dismay, his general seemed to carry and different expression on his face. He seemed angry towards Aldo as if it was the worst possible thing a human could do to their “saviour”. What Aldo did was truly unacceptable in his humble opinion. 

Hans watched the two bicker back and forth until the argument came to an end, of course Aldo loosing to his superior. The American high ranking officer glared intensely at his Lieutenant, without a doubt disappointed in him then turned to Hans with open arms. “Colonel Landa!” He cheered, completely switching from angry to a cheerful grin. The taller man brought out his hand so that Hans could shake it in return. In politeness, Hans shook the others hand as soon as his cuffs had been released. All the German could do was smile, his plan might have not went well with Aldo but his superior was definitely a charmer regardless of what Aldo had done to him. 

“My name is Major Alfred Montgomery, you can call me Al. It’s a pleasure to meet you in person Mr. Landa. I hope you’ve had a decent ride here... I mean.. besides this fuckers actions!”

Al snapped his gaze over to Aldo, who was currently playing with his knife with care. Lieutenant Raine looked up from what he was doing and blinked in confusion, might even be a blink of anger. He groaned quietly and proceeded step beside his superior, he put away his knife then extended a hand towards Landa before he could say anything. 

“Aldo Raine.” 

He grumbled lowly, clenching his jaw in frustration, he knew well enough that the German knew who he was. They had just met not too long ago. 

Hans shook both of their hands briefly, not wanting to stay here much longer with Aldo the Apache in this awkward moment. He knew that the other American hated him dearly and wanted him dead, but he couldn’t help but have a smile on his face. 

“Hans Landa. Although I’m sure you already knew that Aldo... seeing that you’ve taken a much rather odd interest in me.. you even got as far as to mark me with your precious blade, what a wonderful way to show hospitality.” The colonel smirked, pulling away his hand then wiping it on his already dirty German uniform, he liked the way he could tease the other around his superiors. It made him feel entitled. 

The higher ranking officer that stood beside Hans, squinted his eyes, realizing what Hans had said was rather a sarcastic than an intentional comment. “I’m very sorry for our misbehaved military personnel.. I’ll be sure to file a report on that and get the situation under control... again we are very sorry.. surely Mr. Raine here will be punished severely for his unforgettable actions. What pity lieutenant.”

The officer had left the two in the midst of the conversation, someone had called for the American’s help, so naturally he had to go and help. Aldo took this as an opportunity to leave the wretched German, he just wanted to get the fuck out of there and laugh at how well the day had been. When he arrived to his tent, he got ready in his American uniform that was prepared for him. Even though the war ended, it didn’t mean the military ended and Aldo was in fact apart of the military. 

In the meantime, Hans had already been brought to a nearby tent where he’d be able to undress from his old uniform and change into proper clothing. Landa didn’t mind his tent at all, he found it rather pleasant-looking and very warm, he liked it way better than the truck. Now that was for sure. He began with taking off his leather jacket and placing it on a nearby coat hanger, he then took his boots and put them away near the front of the tent. He got rid of his uniform completely and replaced it with regular civilian clothing, just some regular everyday clothing. It was nice and comfortable, the materials were soft enough to hug his frame but neatly pressed so that it would look half decent. He liked his new look. He looked different.

“I like different..” Hans mumbled to himself, fixing his new cap that he gently placed on his head, it was a mixture of brown and a subtle yellow, it complimented his hair very well. He smirked in the mirror and did a few subtle posses, checking himself out in American clothing. Actually, he didn’t know if they were American or French, but that didn’t matter he supposed. He just wanted to start over.

Start over... 

Hans shook his head, maybe it was about time he got his priorities straight and to begin a new life he had always wanted. A life of luxury. It’s not like he already had that.. but this time it would be different, he would have most of the world wanting to be him and the other half wanting to meet him.. what could possibly go wrong with a life like that?

Everything?


	2. Under pressure?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will add more to this chapter, just wanted to put something on here :)

The next day seemed as though it had passed by within a blink of an eye. Colonel Landa was busy discussing different things with some American officers as well as some French civilians. They all awaited his greeting and the need to overall express their fondness towards the German. Hans loved this day way too much, he felt as though he was the centre of attention... more like the centre of the entire world. 

Most of the day he was required to sign a few documents and whatnot, but that hadn’t bothered him one bit. He felt relieved and maybe even free... free from the chains that once held him in place. He was once controlled, controlled by a presence that he hated very much. Although, who really cares about the past when people are nearly begging for your attention.... maybe there was a cost for having all of this, Hans would surely love to hear out for what the universes had to bargain. Nothing could possibly ruin this wonderful evening in his opinion.

Hans let out a tired breath as soon as he took a seat on his stiff bed. He put his head in his hands and chuckled at how ridiculous this was getting—it was getting out of hand—maybe he wasn’t cut out for any of this. Nah, he could endure this for the rest of his life. This was his dream. The dream that he always wanted—not always—but it was surely as close to what it will ever be. 

Breath shaking slightly, he moved to lay down properly on his bed, hands still covering his face. He let out a small laugh, a laugh of overwhelming emotions, a laugh of confusion. Was this really all a dream? He thought, letting all of the information sink in. He rolled over to his side and then hugged his knees close to his chest. All he needed to do was relax his mind and let all of this just flutter away. Sleep was the only option he could think of.

“Just sleep... maybe it will all go away?” His breath was short and tired. Hans closed his eyes and let the warmth from the blankets beneath him drift him off into a deep sleep. 

That was until he suddenly got disturbed. The ruffling of the tent door opening slightly, or maybe it was the short grunt that came out of the other, all he could do was turn in his bed to look at the intruder. The man standing at the door had truly disturbed him from a long needed rest. What pity.

“What are Ye’ doin’?” 

Hans squinted his eyes watching the other closely, he was too tired to answer so he just let out a tired “I don’t know.” Although it very much sounded like muffled noises, confusing the other dearly. He watched the other make their way into the tent and close the fabric door behind them. He had no clue why or what they’re were doing in his tent. 

“I’m here to uh... to talk with ya’” The voice paused, thinking about the right words to use. “The big boss wanted for me to uh.. watch out for ya’ you know... becaus’” 

All tiredness that was previously in Hans had completely fled the scene. The former Nazi gripped on the sides of the bed and managed to sit up properly in the bed, getting a better view at the man in front of him. It was none other than Aldo Raine, the asshole who—not that long ago—had carved his head with a knife. Not only that but the damn Nazi symbol. What an asshole indeed.

“Aldo stop talking nonsense. I can perfectly take care for myself as well as manage to figure out my way around on my own. I don’t need a sweaty dog like you to take care of me.. now if you’ll excuse me. Aldo. I’ll be going back to my well deserved sleep.” 

Aldo lost it in that one moment, all patience and respect—if you’ll even call it that—left the face of the universe. Not once did Aldo like the way Hans was talking to him, the German reminded him of a little child that complained about getting a new dog... or something. It just wasn’t fair at all to the American. Lieutenant Raine made his way over to the German angrily and crossed his arms over his chest, clearly not in the mood. He bent down over the other, giving him a half squinted glare.

“What did you fucken say to me?!” 

Aldo pressed his index finger to Hans’ forehead and pressed him back down to the bed so that the German would be laying down in the position he was in before. He kept pressure to that one spot, watching Hans squirm underneath of him. He wanted to remind him that despite all of the attention he was getting, he didn’t deserve any of it whatsoever. 

Hans gasped feeling his forehead sting in pain. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling whatsoever, the pain rushed through his head causing him to wince from the impact it caused. Not only was the scar trying to heal, he was trying to forget about the pain it held. He tried pushing Aldo’s finger off but it only made the pain worse. 

“Aldo please! Stop stop stop! Halt!!” 

The pain only getting worse, Aldo continued to let his anger on by applying more pressure to the poor things head. Suddenly he let go, remembering what he had to do in the first place. He wiped his finger on his uniform and then shoved his hands in his pockets. He could see how Hans’ expression hadn’t looked pleased whatsoever, he looked pained and unimpressed. 

“So yea’ big boss told me that I had to watch over ya’ that means I’m staying with ya’ till whenever he says I don’t. Now don’t get me wrong, Kraut, I ain’t liking this one god damn bit. So don’t get all excited because ya’ get a partner. It er- a punishment for what ye’ did.” 

Aldo pointed his thumb to the outside of the tent, where he motioned to where his superiors were. Of course, as he had mentioned, there was not one bit in this situation did he like. It was like living with the devil himself and having to like it. It was cruel.

“Shush yer pretty mouth before ye’ jump to conclusions. I don’t like ye’ and Ye’ don’t like me as well... so keep distance and all is good. Sounds good?”

Hans could only nods his head, feeling the pain from the pressure that once pressed upon his injury. The only thing he could do was shut his mouth and listen to the American, wether it was something he’d want to hear it was still something he had to now live with. Like he had said before, nothing could stop how happy he was all day, even seeing this asshole. The Colonel smiled, pressing a hand to his forehead in order to somehow help the pain. 

“Oh Aldo. Not even you can make me miserable.” 

Now what exactly was that supposed to mean?


End file.
